Why healing always starts within

“All healing must start with forgiveness.
And all forgiveness must start with self.”

Those were the words my guest, Nicole Harvick, shared on a recent episode of The Secrets of Being—and they lingered with me long after our conversation ended.

Forgiveness is a word many of us have complicated.
We think it means excusing harm.
Rewriting history.
Letting someone back into our lives.

But what Nicole so beautifully reminded us is this:

Forgiveness is not about the other person.
It is about freeing yourself.

When the body carries what the heart hasn’t released

Nicole shared her own story—one rooted in betrayal, shock, and deep emotional pain. Like so many people, she did everything she could to heal: therapy, energy work, certifications, learning, searching.

And yet… her body was still suffering.

Hair falling out.
Skin breaking open.
Living on autopilot.

What was missing wasn’t effort or intention.

It was forgiveness.

Not for the other person—but for herself.

When she began a simple forgiveness practice—four phrases repeated gently before sleep and upon waking—something began to shift. Within weeks, her body softened. Her breath returned. The weight she’d been carrying began to lift.

Not because the past changed…
But because she did.

Self-forgiveness opens the door to self-love

One of the most powerful truths Nicole shared was this:

Many of us were never taught how to love ourselves.

We stand up for others.
We protect our children.
We show compassion to everyone else.

But we abandon ourselves.

Forgiving herself allowed Nicole to discover something entirely new:
a relationship with herself rooted in kindness instead of blame.

And from that place, healing accelerated.

Joy returned.
Clarity followed.
Peace became possible.

Forgiveness is alchemy

Nicole described forgiveness as alchemy—the process of transforming pain into wisdom, anger into compassion, and survival into freedom.

And this kind of forgiveness isn’t loud or dramatic.

Sometimes it looks like:

• allowing yourself to rest
• taking a bath in the middle of the day
• walking barefoot on the earth
• choosing not to replay an old story one more time

Small acts of self-honoring are often the most powerful.

If this feels overwhelming, start here

If forgiveness feels like too big a word right now, let it be simple.

Start with this gentle truth:

“I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.”

Say it slowly.
Let it land.

Because when we stop punishing ourselves for not knowing what we hadn’t yet learned…
something inside us softens.

And softness is where healing begins.

You don’t have to rush your healing

Forgiveness is not a finish line.
It’s a doorway.

And you are allowed to walk through it at your own pace.

If you are in a season of confusion, grief, anger, or exhaustion, please hear this:

Nothing is wrong with you.
You are not broken.
Your body and soul may simply be asking to be released from what no longer serves you.

And that release… begins with you.

If you’d like to listen to the full conversation with Nicole, you can find it here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PujdaQpaujc

May you be gentle with yourself today.
May peace find you in small, quiet ways.
And may you remember—always—that healing is possible.